How not to be self-aware
Photographic digital composition
41,5 cm x 53 cm
Artist’s Statement
Look in the mirror. What do you see? Is it a dream, or a nightmare? Are we being introduced against our will? Are they mirrors?
– from Twin Peaks Season 1 Episode 4, created by Mark Frost and David Lynch
This piece was inspired by the conventions of the tableau, specifically the relationship between the viewer and the subject matter. I was also inspired by Todd Haynes’ film, May December, and how it explores the politics of performance. I asked questions like when the subjects of a photographic scene are aware that they are being watched, what does that mean to the viewer, and what does it mean for me to see myself reflected. I started questioning the integrity of a mirror, questioning whether I am seeing an accurate reflection and then what an accurate reflection would be.
Through this photographic composition, I wanted to explore how a mirror works, how I interact with it, and how I sometimes refuse to interact with it. I started creating what I called “perversions” to reflect how I sometimes feel as though I have all the right parts but not assembled right. I reflected on how it feels to be bi-polar and neurodiverse, both in how I present myself and how it makes me feel about myself.
My eventual realisation ended up being that being confronted with yourself never truly happens; there will always be some external factor to deflect on. And so, I made a statement on the difficulty of being aware of yourself by failing to be aware of myself.